I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
