dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
