College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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