Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
