I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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