its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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