once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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