Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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