is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
