Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
