I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
