so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We named our party play list daddy issues
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
