So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
