Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
