did you get engaged???
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
