i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
babies were throwing up all over the place
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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