I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
