Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
