Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
