Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
