did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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