I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
