She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
