If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
