I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just threw up on my dentist
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my shit smells like andre
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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