you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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