He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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