people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
