my mouth tastes like poor choices
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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