I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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