May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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