i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
