You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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