Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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