I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
