ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
