I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
