Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
