I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
