i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
