your thong is hanging out like whoa
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
