tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
sex in a hospital.. check
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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