So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
