stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
