Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
