cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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