I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
