you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you win again, gameday.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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