I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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