His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
