It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
