I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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