I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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