Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
